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SYTYCFanon
SCP-7233 - The Astroneer
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Item#: 7233
Level4
Containment Class:
esoteric
Secondary Class:
Ticonderoga
Disruption Class:
dark
Risk Class:
notice
link to memo
| Assigned Site | Site Director | Research Head | Assigned Task Force |
| Site-78 | Leah Richter | Matthew Vincent | Binary Star.aic |
SCP-7233-1 landing on Earth, Circa 2006.
Special Containment Procedures: SCP-7233's anomalous physical properties render containment unfeasible. As of 1942, the O5 council has ordered all attempts to contain SCP-7233 to cease.
Binary Star.aic is to use Beholder Probe twelve to keep track of SCP-7233-1's location and extrapolate its next return time to Earth. When SCP-7233-1 lands on Earth, SCP-7233 is to be escorted via MTF to the nearest Foundation facility for debriefing and allowed to return to SCP-7233-1 unimpeded. Any media taken of SCP-7233 by civilian sources is to be destroyed and any witnesses to their presence amnesticized.
SCP-7233-1 landing areas in populated areas are to be cleaned up and any debris disposed of. Any landing sites in nature are to be explained as ancient ruins or structures.
Description: SCP-7233 is an anomalous humanoid who refers to themselves as "The Astroneer". SCP-7233 wears an orange skin-tight environment suit that lacks the bulky technology of current-era spacesuits. A device is latched around SCP-7233's right wrist that has a screen and several buttons that control various aspects of their suit.
The suit's full functions are not understood but are believed to provide life support and protection from hostile environments. Information on SCP-7233's biology is scarce. Despite the anomaly claiming to be a human male underneath it is believed to be over 1000 years old and shows no signs of declining physical activity. SCP-7233 has declined all attempts to remove its suit.
Comparisons have been made between SCP-7233 and SCP-1233, noting that they have a similar demeanor and appearance. It is currently unknown if they have ever met, however, SCP-7233 is aware of the stories told by SCP-1233, and thus research into their connection is currently ongoing.
SCP-7233-1 appears as a standard hot air balloon. Investigations of the craft find that it contains no anomalous technology. Through currently unknown means, SCP-7233-1 is able to reach relativistic speeds and engage in FTL travel. SCP-7233-1 is capable of engaging in combat utilizing anomalous weaponry capable of disabling any Foundation air assets. Explanations from SCP-7233 as to how it can achieve this do not correspond with the current understanding of paraphysics.
SCP-7233's stated goal is that of a traveler and an engineer to travel through the universe, providing their services or for the sake of "adventure." The anomaly has chosen Earth as their "record-keeping" spot, arriving on an infrequent schedule to talk about their travels. Since the anomaly was discovered by the Foundation, attempts by the anomaly to speak with the civilian populace have been minimized. It has become standard procedure as part of the anomaly uncontainable status to ask about any potential interstellar threats. However, the veracity of SCP-7233's stories cannot be easily verified.
On SCP-7233-1's arrival, a spatial distortion can be detected above the earth's atmosphere. After which, SCP-7233-1 will begin to land. SCP-7233-1 will begin to descend to the planet's surface. However, it will not exhibit any thermal radiance as is common with objects such as meteorites. It will then land in an open area without any obstructions that SCP-7233 could be caught on. In all cases, monoliths of varying sizes manifest around SCP-7233-1's landing site and do not de-manifest upon departure. These structures are believed to mark safe landing zones for SCP-7233-1's arrivals.
Discovery: SCP-7233 is believed to have visited Earth several times before the Foundation was established, through anecdotal accounts of a man in an unidentified flying object visiting a variety of civilizations. Several ancient structures have been determined to be potential landing sites for SCP-7233-1. These include:
- Stonehenge
- Nabta Playa
- Amazon Stonehenge
- Carahunge
- Medusae Fossae (Mars)
An example of this can be seen in a document written by a member of GoI-7121 circa 900s Japan.
+GoI-712document
The first Foundation encounter with SCP-7233 occurred in 1920 in FP-120's7 Living District. Foundation agents from Site-120 had been tracking an extraterrestrial object that had been spotted by Foundation observatories. SCP-7233-1 was found parked outside of a restaurant with stone pillars surrounding it that had destroyed several tables.
Inside the establishment, SCP-7233 was arguing with the restauranteur about paying for the potential damages. The agents approached and defused the situation, offering to pay for the damage. The Agents then told SCP-7233 they would need to come with them for questioning. SCP-7233 accepted. SCP-7233 was brought to Site-120 and interviewed by Site Director Raia Michaels. The following is a written transcription of the conversation that occurred.
[Director Michaels sits in a chair across from SCP-7233 a table separating the three of them. SCP-7233 has a humanoid shape, most likely 1.8 meters in height. It wears an orange suit with a visor that obscures their face. Michaels clears their throat and begins to speak.]
Michaels: I have to admit, I didn't think we'd catch a spaceman in the city of the Fae. That place must be something special.
SCP-7233: The city was one of the nicer ones I've been to here. Also, Spaceman? I think you are mistaken, I'm human like you.
[Director Michaels co*cks an eyebrow at the entity.]
Michaels: Well, without removing your suit, I can’t be certain. What brings you to Earth?
SCP-7233: Well there is a ship out there with a similar signature to mine and it led me in this direction. I figured I'd stop by and try the local grub.
Michaels: You're saying there's another being like you out there?
SCP-7233: Maybe. I've never really had a purpose in all my wandering. Whoever this person is might give me some direction in my life.
Michaels: I can sympathize with your goal but I can't allow you to leave. We'll be grounding your balloon and taking you into custody.
[SCP-7233 laughs.]
SCP-7233: I'm sorry constable but I can't let you detain me. I have places to be.
Michaels: I can understand that but I have to-
[SCP-7233 presses a button on his wrist and disappears from view along with PoI-9008. Director Michaels is shocked by the disappearance and begins to inform the guards to begin a search before SCP-7233 and PoI-9008 reappear.]
Michaels: How did you do that? Where did you go?
SCP-7233: I was checking to see where you had my ship impounded. I thank you for moving it someplace without obstructions, I always hate when the hull gets snagged.
Michaels: Hull? Of your balloon?
SCP-7233: It's a spaceship ma'am. It's how I travel through space.
[SCP-7233 points to their wrist.]
SCP-7233: My suit has a built-in return home function, in the event that either I'm captured by hostile enemy forces or… less than hostile in your case; we can return to the ship and make my getaway.
Michaels: Well we could always restrain you, again I don't want to make this into a struggle.
SCP-7233: I wouldn't try that either.
[SCP-7233 presses another button on the pad on their wrist and proceeds to move their hand down to the table. His hands phase through the table and back out unharmed.]
SCP-7233: Phasing, you see? My suit allows me to pass through solid objects. You could try and wrestle me down if you'd like but it would be a moot point.
Michaels: You have a few clever anomalous tricks, I'll give you that. But listen, as benign as you might be…. we have a mandate to contain the anomalous.
SCP-7233: Anomalous? Is that what they are calling science on this planet these days?
Michaels: The anomalous is what we call things outside of the norm.
SCP-7233: Sounds very restrictive, although I guess I can relate. I have a personal rule not to interfere in the development of underdeveloped worlds such as yours by leaving behind any technology…. memorabilia notwithstanding. Getting back around to the issue, I won't let you hold me here. I hear the call to adventure and I'd rather not spend my waking days stuck in a cell.
[Director Michaels is quiet for a moment and then speaks.]
Michaels: I might have an idea, something that I can potentially sell to my superiors.
SCP-7233: I'm listening.
Michaels: You agree that whenever you stop by Earth, you are not to show or reveal your anomalous properties to anyone and in return, you are to report to the nearest Foundation site and give a debriefing of what you find out in the cosmos. If there is anything that could threaten us, you are to report it.
SCP-7233: That works out for me! At least let me regale you with one of my tales, Miss. I didn’t come all this way to not tell one.
Michaels: My work doesn’t exactly entail listening to stories but perhaps you could enlighten me as to how you acquired your vessel.
[SCP-7233 proceeded to tell a long-winded thirty-minute story that involved pirates, interstellar demons, cake, at least seven planets, and a monkey. Michaels appeared to be listening intently.]
Michaels: I see, so once you completed the trials of the Matalonian temple, you got the Exonoria needed to fly the balloon. Exciting stuff.
SCP-7233: Exactly, for something this powerful you need something very energy dense. If you liked that, I'll return with more stories for sure. Thank you for the opportunity.
[SCP-7233 vanished and Director Michaels ordered all personnel observing to leave.]
Following this meeting, Director Michaels sent a bulletin to all Foundation Sites to be on the lookout for SCP-7233 and explained the deal they had struck. Director Michaels put forth a petition to classify SCP-7233 as Ticonderoga but a majority of Foundation sites refused and SCP-7233 was labeled as Keter.
Several attempts were made in the following years to capture SCP-7233 but all failed. In all cases, SCP-7233 would disable any attackers non-lethally and ask calmly to speak with a researcher to talk about his life.
Addendum 7233.01: Site-17 interview, 13/12/40
On December 13th, 1940, Site-17 detected SCP-7233-1 using newly made radar systems and attempted to down the craft using Anti-Aircraft weapons and planes. Their weapons proved to be ineffective against the balloon with all impacts hitting an invisible force. SCP-7233-1 was able to land near Site-17 where three MTF squads were deployed to apprehend the anomaly.
The MTF instead found a Caucasian Male carrying a diving helmet, designated as PoI-9008, and brought him for questioning.
[Film reel begins.]
[PoI-9008 is seated behind a desk nervous and fidgeting. Researcher Alan Graves of Site-17's astronomy department is giving the interview.]
PoI-9008: L-look, I didn't do anything wrong. I just came down here to relay a message, there was no reason to start shooting at me!
Graves: You were flying in a craft associated with someone we are trying to apprehend. Where is he?
PoI-9008: The Astroneer? He's on Ilumia VI, asking around about a ship we've been tracking.
Graves: And you are?
PoI-9008: My name is Felix, I'm his personal biographer. He picked me up uhhhh, what year is it now?
Graves: 1940.
PoI-9008: Sorry all the time dilation makes it hard to remember. It was 1910 when he first picked me up in Tuscaloosa.
Graves: We weren't aware he was here in 1910. Could you explain that encounter?
PoI-9008: Yeah I was outside my house when he landed nearby. I invited him inside because… why not? Seemed like an alright fella. Then he got to telling me about his amazing space adventures and I didn't believe him at first.
Graves: But what made you believe?
PoI-9008: He took me for a ride and showed me the rings of Saturn and boy let me tell ya, that was the most beautiful sight I'd seen. He asked me then if I wanted to come with him, keep him company, and write about his adventures. I didn't see much going on for me back home. My parents had died and my writing career was going nowhere, so why not?
Graves: Hmm, interesting. So why did he send you out here alone? Does it have to do with the message you mentioned earlier? And what's with the diving helm?
PoI-9008: That's the helmet I use to breathe in space. And as for the warning, are you aware of Sauelsuesor?
Graves: I am aware of SCP-179. How do you know of it?
PoI-9008: Her. Well Astroneer thinks that she's the "hottest" girl in the sector. No pun intended although his attempts at flirting never go anywhere because he's terrible with women… unless they are authority figures which is weird. But that's beside the point.
[PoI-9008 scratches his head.]
PoI-9008: A-anyway, Sally said that Kalor Maxim had sent one of his technovore swarms in this direction and to let you know.
Graves: Kalor Maxim? Technovores?
PoI-9008: Oh right, the government's never heard of him. Kalor is the Emperor of the Black Locus Space Empire out in the Pleiades star cluster. It's not a big empire, only a dozen planets but he's been looking to expand. He sends out these drones to test the defenses of neighboring worlds to see if they're ripe for conquest.
Graves: Well I'm not with the government, our organization is separate. But… Are you certain? I… need to inform the overseers about this.
PoI-9008: I am very certain sir.
Graves: Well, perhaps our response was a bit… extreme. After this, I will get that news to the necessary people. If you wouldn't mind, I do have some other questions for you. Regarding the properties of your companion. For example your balloon, how does it work?
PoI-9008: I'm not exactly sure myself, I went to college for English not Physics. But from what he's told me, it rides on something called "Aetheric wind" and they take us anywhere from 2 to 100 times the Speed of Light depending on the route.
Graves: Aetheric Wind? Hmm, we've never detected such a force before. I had assumed your balloon had some sort of propulsion device. A pretty impressive one if you were able to break the speed of light.
PoI-9008: I’m proof of that. I’ve hardly aged since then, it feels like an eternity when you're on the winds but you get to enjoy the swirls and pretty colors, and then… BAM. You’re somewhere else and your watch has hardly moved.
Graves: Do you know of the method of this travel? It could help us against this Kalor Maxim.
PoI-9008: Sorry, it's against his rules, and even then, I'm not the guy who made the balloon.
[Graves shakes his head]
Graves: Then perhaps you could relay to him that he could come back to adventure here on Earth? There are places that we have cordoned off from the civilian world. We could provide housing for you both and keep you safe
PoI-9008: That would be nice sir, but what kind of places exactly?
Graves: We call them Nexuses. They are alternate dimensions leading to new countries and areas of wilderness with undocumented fauna. And you could have a cushy base of operations here at the Foundation we could even offer you a job.
PoI-9008: Employment would be a good deal. Me and the big guy are always strapped for cash but… we have things to attend to. That ship we were talking about? We've been searching for decades for it and we wouldn't just give up on it.
Graves: Well we could always keep you here Felix. Until your friend makes his decision.
PoI-9008: That's not going to work because he is going to be teleporting me out any moment now. I just…
[PoI-9008 looks around at the guards who are slowly approaching him]
PoI-9008: ….any moment now.
[PoI-9008 slowly disappears as the guards place their hands on them.]
[End Film]
Since 1942, Foundation Personnel has been unable to verify the existence of "Aetheric wind" or SCP-7233-1's specific method of FTL8 Travel. Even with the advent of the Beholder Program in 1963, tracking the supposed routes have been difficult.
Following the PoI-9008's warning, Foundation early warning teams were alerted to the threat coming from the Pleiades star cluster. Two years later on 22/09/1942, SCP-179 detected an object hurtling towards Earth that crashed in Auckland, New Zealand. The technological entities held within matched the description given by SCP-7233, confirming that their predictions were accurate. Following this, the O5 Council decreed that SCP-7233 was not to be interfered with and the deal posed by Site-120 was to stand. SCP-7233 was reclassified as Ticonderoga as a result.
Addendum 7233.02: Site-38 interview with SCP-7233. 25/4/67
Following Binary Star.aic gaining sentience and its subsequent designation as SCP-5857, Beholder Probe 12 was assigned by the .aic, to track SCP-7233's movements. Binary Star alerted Site-38's astronomy department of SCP-7233's arrival in Covington, Tennessee.
SCP-7233-1 had landed in a parking lot and the resulting appearance of circular stone monoliths had impaled several parked vehicles. The female owners of these vehicles had come out of the nearby bar and began to scream at SCP-7233-1 who promptly dropped to their knees and went catatonic as the women beat him with their purses. PoI-9008 was present as well and attempted to pull the women from SCP-7233-1 but was unable to dissuade them.
An MTF specializing in disinformation and amnesctization was deployed and any witnesses had been amnesticized and the structures and debris removed.
The following interview was given by Marshall Ruthers, lead astronomer of Site-38's astronomy department.
[Begin Film]
Ruthers: SCP-7233 I’d like to start by apologizing for what happened twenty years ago. Graves attacking you and your companion was uncalled for.
[SCP-7233 was silent.]
Ruthers: (sighs), Things have changed since then and you won’t come under any harm from us. That is a promise.
PoI-9008: That’s good enough for me, glad to see not everyone in your organization is a buncha assholes. Now we would like to apologize for-
SCP-7233: It's not my fault! I don't control where the landing beacons come out or their size! I thought I'd parked a decent distance from those vehicles.
Ruthers: Relax. It was a mistake. But you need to try to land away from civilian populations.
SCP-7233: I understand.
Ruthers: The other thing that's concerning is your behavior around those women. I'm glad you didn't try and use your suit on them but… why did you freeze? You could have run. Looking through these previous files, you seemed quite brave.
SCP-7233: I am BRAVE. But, um but uh, I…. uh. Say, did you all deal with those technovores I told you about?
PoI-9008: Wait. You can’t avoid his question. Women scare the sh*t out of him, here I'll give you an example. Did you know that he turned down eight princesses? EIGHT. We saved them from slavers and they practically were about to tear each other apart to marry this guy. Turned them all down.
SCP-7233: Daria, Dolia, Danica, Danielle, Demetria, Doppia, Dantal, and Dunia were all very nice ladies but… I couldn’t choose.
PoI-9008: BRO POLYAMORY IS THE NORM ON THEIR PLANET!
Ruthers: Easy, Felix. Let’s get things back on track with the technovore thing. SCP-179 alerted us to their presence when they arrived, although there were a few casualties. Thankfully we were prepared for such an event, thanks to you.
SCP-7233: I'm glad to hear it. I see that you've also begun your first forays into space. I was contacted by that Beholder AI of yours.
Ruthers: It contacted you directly? We told it to observe only.
SCP-7233: Well following something trailing in the Aether can be a hard job, so I told him how to properly keep track of my ship by scanning for the Exonoric discharge that my balloon releases.
Ruthers: Exonoria. What exactly is that? You mentioned it in a previous interview.
SCP-7233: Ah you see, it is an element discovered and named by yours truly. I'm not sure exactly how you classify your elements here but it has one hundred and fifty electrons if that helps. I use it to power the cells of my ship.
Ruthers: 150? We've only been able to synthesize elements with 105 electrons. How do you stop it from decaying in a picosecond?
SCP-7233: Very carefully.
Ruthers: Right.
[Ruthers clears his throat.]
Ruthers: But we've talked casually enough, my superiors are, of course, wanting to hear about anything you think we might need to know. Our first attempted moon landing is in the planning stages, so we need to know if there are any anomalous phenomena we should know about.
SCP-7233: Hmmm, well I think you should be fine. As long as the Moon Monsters don't rear their ugly heads, although I think they are hibernating this time of year.
Ruthers: Did you say, Moon Monsters?
SCP-7233: I wouldn't worry about it. You all should be A-Okay for your first Moon landing. Proud of you all, you have all come a long way from thinking that space was something called "heaven." I also wanted to report that we found the ship we were looking for. Turned out to be a zeppelin.
Ruthers: In the middle of space? What kind of fabric would allow it to not pop?
SCP-7233: Man, you're asking all the wrong questions. Who cares what it was made out of? The really important thing is the pilot.
[SCP-7233's voice begins to flutter and he shuffles excitedly in his seat]
SCP-7233: That's when she hailed me and I gazed at her for the first time. Her helmet had an exquisite structure, her visor shined like the Betelguese, and her eyebrows! My god.
Ruthers: Eyebrows? You said she was wearing a helmet? How-
SCP-7233: Stop getting caught up in the minor details! Anyways, this hottie with engineering abilities to be rivaled by the greatest of shipsmiths said to me that she liked my ship and invited me to go with her to explore the ruins of the first planet around Alpha Centauri.
Ruthers: Did you say yes or get her contact info?
SCP-7233: …No. I was too nervous and… was I supposed to?
Ruthers: Jesus man, I thought you were the galaxy's greatest adventurer.
SCP-7233: I AM. Women are uncharted territory for me.
[SCP-7233's voice cracks and pauses for a moment]
SCP-7233: They're more terrifying than that spacetime distortion in the Bootes void.
PoI-9008: You ain’t gonna get through to him doc. I’ve told him this for years and I was screaming at him to go talk to her.
Ruthers: Listen. I'm no expert in picking up chicks but you just got to talk to them and be yourself. You seem like a great guy and it sounds like she knew you were too.
SCP-7233: But what if I freeze up? I could hardly talk to Sally and she's really up there and those women… before. They hated me! They wouldn't even accept my apologies!
Ruthers: Well humans can be very hard to reason with, especially when it comes to cars. That doesn't mean your zeppelin girl would be the same.
SCP-7233: Regardless, I don't even know where she is now. She could be anywhere.
Ruthers: Well that's never stopped you has it? If she's like you there is plenty of time to track her down and see what she's about.
[SCP-7233 is silent for a moment.]
SCP-7233: You are right, anomaly keeper! And Felix, I’m sorry I dismissed your opinions! I am the Astroneer, not some mopey fool. I'm going to get to my ship and find her… even if it kills me!
[SCP-7233 vanishes]
[End film]
SCP-7233's claim of Moon Monsters proved to be unsubstantiated as the Moon Landing of '69 proceeded as planned without any sign of anomalous activity. However, this claim would be brought back up again when the Foundation encountered SCP-1233 in the 2000s.
Addendum 7233.03: Site-19 interview with SCP-7233. 25/4/90
[Begin recording]
Saxum: This is Dr. Shaun Saxum, performing an interview with SCP-7233 and PoI-9008. The subject appears to be slightly distressed on arrival and expressed an enthusiasm to perform an interview. SCP-7233 do you mind telling me what is the cause of this excitement?
SCP-7233: Well it's been a long time since I've been on Earth and my situation has changed. But I'm assuming you won't allow me to tell it unless I give you some sort of information. So on my way into the Solar System, I witnessed a terrible accident in the Oort Cloud. You might want to get someone out there and check for survivors.
Saxum: Oh, jeez. I'll let Binary Star know and we'll investigate.
SCP-7233: It's the girl I mentioned in my last interview. I… found her.
Saxum: Yes. The girl with the zeppelin. I've read the file. How did your interaction go?
SCP-7233: Well the funny thing is that we ended up traveling with each other for a decade or so, Felix had tagged along and then….
PoI-9008: In true Astroneer fashion, he f*cked things up royally.
SCP-7233: Felix, I’m telling a story. So things started to get really strange. She kept insisting we take our suits off instead of performing customary displays of affection while suited. Helmet pecks and handholding you know.
[Dr. Saxum pauses for a moment.]
Saxum: What your describing to me is that she wanted to get intimate with you? SCP-7233, you two seem like you're in a loving relationship, what would be the big deal?
SCP-7233: The big deal? You aren’t supposed to take off your suit! I wouldn't really know what to do without it, I rely on it for everything. She also shared that sentiment but she told me she was comfortable taking it off for me. The only person she would do it for.
Saxum: And you couldn't extend her the same courtesy?
SCP-7233: Well, it made me feel uncomfortable okay? It's not as simple as taking clothes off. I can't even look at her face when she takes it off for maintenance, it's not right.
PoI-9008: So while he was being, him. I did my usual thing and I talked to her and told them about marriage. That scrappy broad took the idea like glue. She went out to the core of a Gas Giant and risked her life to get this guy the biggest diamond you’ve ever seen. I was ready to document as she got down to one knee and proposed.
Saxum: That sound really sweet. What did you say?
SCP-7233: I didn't say anything. I ran. I got in my ship and floated my way down here. I know you all are busy and there's probably better places to ask but this is just what came to mind. Did I make the right choice? I know she's probably out there waiting for my answer… it's been ten years maybe she's forgotten.
Saxum: Did you love Zeppelin girl?
SCP-7233: I do. More than anything and it pains me to have to reject her like that.
Saxum: Do you think she loves you the same way?
SCP-7233: I think so, she waited years for me to accept her invitation of adventure. And I guess she never stopped trying to hail me after I left.
Saxum: You should go to her. From what I understand, you shouldn't keep a woman waiting for long.
[There is a minute pause before SCP-7233 speaks]
SCP-7233: Yes, I…. this is the adventure I was meant for. The long journey I've been on has been for this. I'll tell her that I want to marry her. Thank you, Doctor. Next time, I'm back I'll be telling you about our honeymoon!
[End recording]
Addendum 7233.04: Site-43 interview with SCP-7233. 25/4/06
On April 25th, 2006, Beholder Probe twelve received an urgent transmission from SCP-7233 and its course changed drastically toward Earth. He was received by Site-43 and brought in for an interview. Most of Site-43's senior staff was busy with other projects, leaving the interview to be performed by Junior Researcher Leah Richter.
[Begin recording]
[SCP-7233 is fidgeting intensely and PoI-9008 looks distressed as Researcher Richter is sitting attentively.]
Richter: What's wrong? Your transmission said that there was trouble.
SCP-7233: It's my love… she's been taken and it's all my fault!
Richter:What? Who took her?
SCP-7233: It was that damn bastard, Kalor Maxim! I-I went looking for her after I'd spoken to Dr. Saxum but she wasn't where she said she'd be. We looked for years trying to find her but eventually, we got a message from Kalor Maxim. It taunted us and said he'd captured her and made her a part of his harem.
Richter: Maxim? Wait.
[Richter begins flipping through SCP-7233's file.]
Richter: That's the technovore guy from the 40s, why do you think he did it? Is this some type of revenge or…
PoI-9008: It’s revenge. The big guy over here couldn’t keep his mouth shut while we were drinking our sorrows away on Minoria IV. Kalor knows he stopped his conquest of Earth. If only I hadn’t been so wasted that day… I could of-
Richter: Both of you stop being so down on yourselves.. I mean, sure maybe you shouldn't go talking smack about evil space dictators but you can't beat yourself up! She needs you, both of you You should be out there trying to save her!
[SCP-7233 shakes his head.]
SCP-7233: I can't do it, Kalor Maxim's powers are way too powerful for my suit to handle. He'll turn me into mincemeat the moment I step foot in that world.
Richter: There's nothing I can do to help. I'm just a glorified pencil pusher getting the senior staff coffee! Do you know if he has any weaknesses you could potentially exploit?
SCP-7233: Well there is supposedly a substance but… I don't know where I'd get something like this.
Richter: If you tell me, we may be able to synthesize it.
SCP-7233: Well legend says there is a substance made from the bodies of thousands of dead creatures, broken and down and converted to their most base elements. The power of these beings is then conferred to the confection through their Aether. Then this broth gets hydrolyzed and mixed into a gel. This gelled substance can reflect certain warping abilities back at its user.
Richter: …. Are you talking about gelatin?
PoI-9008: He is talking about gelatin, yes.
Richter: If it’s gelatin he needs, why didn’t you make it for him? You guys haven't stumbled into something with bones? Or hooves?
PoI-9008: No one in the universe besides this planet knows how to make it. I don’t even know, my momma just got it in those packets. That’s why I recommended we came here.
SCP-7233: I still don’t believe you have such powerful material. Pfff. You say I’M the storyteller.
[Richter walks over to the mini fridge and brings a cup of Jello to the table.]
Richter: Boom. Gelatin.
[SCP-7233 picks up the Jello cup and inspects it.]
SCP-7233: Thi-this is it! Just as in the texts that I've read! H-how did you acquire this?
Richter: We produce tons of it every year, it’s really cheap.
SCP-7233: No Civilization has mastered the art of producing gelatin, it was thought lost a long time ago. This… is what I need. Get me all of the gelatin you can find! Pencil Pusher, you are a genius!
Richter: Genius? I got that at the store for 2 dollars buddy. I can see if we can't spare any from the fridges. Follow me.
[End recording]
SCP-7233 was granted access to 20 kgs of Gelatin authorized by Site Director McInniss. SCP-7233 departed with it in SCP-7233-1, presumably to the Pleiades star cluster.
Addendum 7233.05: Site-78 interview with SCP-7233. 2/6/22
After an encounter with PoI-90099, Site-78's newly founded Aeronautics department began to send signals out into the Terzan 2 star cluster10, using newly developed quantum communication technology. Their objective was to reach any of the civilizations located there in order to ascertain the potential location of one of the anomalies comprising the Set of Nine.11 One of these transmissions reached SCP-7233 who responded back through Beholder Probe 12.
SCP-7233 stated that he would be coming back to Earth with assistance to pay back Researcher Leah Richter. Richter, now Site Director of Site-78 communicated back through Binary Star.aic, to have him come to Site-78 for a debrief.
SCP-7233-1 landed in Chugwater, Wyoming only 48 hours after the transmission was received. MTF Omega-45 arrived to deliver SCP-7233 to the site along with their cargo, which appeared to be the wreckage of a destroyed spacefaring vessel.
[Begin Recording]
[SCP-7233 and PoI-9008 are standing in the Aeronautics hangar with Site Director Leah Richter and Dr. Matthew Vincent.]
SCP-7233: You guys have no idea what I had to do to get here. Terzan 2 is way the hell out in the galactic core. I had jumped through so many wormholes to get here in a reasonable amount of time.
Richter: I'm just glad you are alive. You had me worried all those years that Kalor had killed you.
PoI-9008: You think Kalor Maxim could take him out? Pshhh, didn't stand a chance.
Richter: Well I would like to hear what had happened. I've never heard one of his famous stories.
Vincent: I have to admit I'd be curious to hear about this Kalor Maxim fellow.
SCP-7233: That I can do.
SCP-7233: Alright boys and girls, gather round! This is the Astroneer's tale of his greatest adventure yet! So with all of the Gelatin that I got from the lovely Pencil Pusher, I constructed a new helmet made from this powerful substance. Felix didn't want one, so we smeared him in it and called it a day.
Vincent: H-huh? Gelatin? What does that have to do with..
Richter: It's a long story. Let him talk or we'll be here forever.
SCP-7233: With my new Gelatin helmet, I hopped in my craft and made my way to the Pleiades star system to get back my beloved.
I headed straight for Alcyone, the Black Locus Empire's capital where a mighty fleet stood between her and me. I plowed through them, taking out at least seven capital ships single-handedly.
Vincent: Seven? Are you sure about that?
PoI-9008: He is not kidding, he was flying that day better than I'd ever seen.
SCP-7233: When you're taking out the forces of evil, you tend to lose count! So after battling my way through the blockade, we landed in the royal capital. Kalor's guards were waiting for us, a legion of the emperor's best men in gilded armor. I fought tooth and nail, smashing the vanguard of troops and sprinting my way to the Palace.
Vincent: A legion? What… like a hundred?
PoI-9008: An imperial legion is a thousand men. Although some of them were killed indirectly…
SCP-7233: A thousand kills for the Astroneer! Even through that red haze of my new helmet I was going to enter that throne room and show Kalor the power of my love! I bust through the windows of one of the Palaces and demanded I be shown to the royal seat. I dealt with any resistance on the way, not breaking a single sweat until I entered the domain of the beast. There I saw Kalor sitting on his throne with my beloved. She was chained up by his throne with a dozen other women.
Vincent: And did you freeze up?
PoI-9008: He did not, I was so proud of him.
SCP-7233: I did have to avert my eyes from seeing my love out of the suit, we weren't married yet after all. That is when Kalor asked me, "Just who the hell do you think you are?
And I told him "I'm the Astroneer, that is my fiance, and you're about to be deposed." He merely laughed at my one-liner and stood up and drew his weapon. With a snap of his fingers, he tried warping me somewhere else and found that his powers didn't work.
"Now we fight on even ground," I said, and we fought an epic battle that lasted for at least two days-
Vincent: Two days? Did those slave girls get anything to eat or drink during that?
PoI-9008: I brought them popcorn for it but it definitely wasn't forty-eight hours. Maybe… forty-seven.
SCP-7233: During that forty-EIGHT grueling hours, He'd summoned all types of horrors and sent them at me. I slew at least five mimics during that fight.
PoI-9008: I told you those were regular jars.
SCP-7233: That's what the jars wanted you to think but I saw differently. With his reality-warping powers, I knew that any object in that room could come alive and attack me. By the time it was over, I had taken his eye, his arm, and his pride. Kalor lay broken on the ground, a shell of a man. I grabbed a blanket to cover my beloved's body and quickly found a helmet to cover her face. I spirited her from the Palace and into my ship.
"Astroneer." She said. "You came back for me."
I told her that I did and most importantly, I told her the words that mattered most.
"I do."
PoI-9008: W-wait wait. That's not how it happened. You locked up the moment you touched her skin. WE dragged you out of the palace and we had to get your heart beating again because someone had a heart attack because a girl touched him.
SCP-7233: Lies and slander. I was tired.
PoI-9008: She also laughed and said you were a silly man in a silly helmet but she loved you all the same.
SCP-7233: Silly? I think you mean sexy.
[Richter has tears in their eyes but Dr. Vincent looked skeptical as SCP-7233 and PoI-9009 continued to argue details.]
Vincent: I'm not sure… most of that was true.
SCP-7233: Nope it's all the truth and I've learned a lesson from it all.
[SCP-7233 clears his throat.]
SCP-7233: I shouldn't bluster so much. You know a part of my troubles with girls just stemmed from me not being me. I was cranking things up to 102% when I should have been at 100%.
Vincent: 102%? I doubt that was that incremental of a jump
SCP-7233: There's no need to fret over the minor details. Now for what I've brought you.
[SCP-7233 walks over and places a hand on the large pieces of machinery.]
SCP-7233: This is the remnants of a destroyed Sarian12 craft. There's not much left of their civilization anymore after they were destroyed by a rival race. I salvaged this from an old battlefield when I'd heard you all were looking for a way to Terzan 2.
Vincent: So it's true then? A volume of The Set of Nine is in Terzan 2 somewhere?
[SCP-7233 nods.]
SCP-7233: It's just a rumor but we found ancient Ortothan writings that speak of a tome that was used to aid the Voruteut against their holy seven.
Vincent: Interesting. This makes me wonder if there's any mention of that in our Earthly Ortothan writings. I'm glad to get the heads up, but why give us this ship? Doesn't it go against your prime directive?
SCP-7233: No catch. This thing is an older model anyways, so it's not like I'm giving you the latest stuff. Besides, I owe the old Pencil Pusher over there a favor. Without her, I would have never saved the woman I loved and gotten married to boot.
Richter: That's Director Pencil Pusher to you. Thank you. And good luck on your honeymoon if you are still on it. Maybe you can tell me about it before I die yeah?
PoI-9008: Well I'm hoping to get the book out soon, we'll send you a copy.
SCP-7233: And I will try to stop by more often. If I can't you guys should definitely hit us up when you are out in the cosmos. Goodbye, Everyone! Thank you for everything.
[End recording]
Footnotes
1. Also known as the "Yokai Hunters". The Yokai Hunters were a GoI active between 900-1100 that specialized in neutralizing Japanese anomalies.
2. Japanese unit of measurement, converts to 1.8 meters.
3. The celestial realm or heavens.
4. Bridge between Earth and heaven.
5. Eight-headed dragon of Japanese Folklore.
6. Japanese Goddess of the Sun.
7. Nexus located under Site-120 known as Esterberg. Home of the Fae.
8. Faster than Light.
9. Author of the Set of Nine, a series of anomalous books.
10. Star cluster near the Galactic Core, 28,000 light years from Earth. Believed to be home to numerous alien civilizations with a connection to the Church of the Second Hytoth.
11. A set of potentially ten anomalous books. Site-78's primary directive is the capture and containment of the set
12. See SCP-7091 for more details on the Sarian Collective.
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